China Has Just Given Up Trying To Fight The Smog, Claims The Pollution Has At Least 5 Benefits

Yahoo – In America, we’re used to our government, our industry and our media putting a spin on events to make the world seem a brighter, better place than it really is. But some of China’s media is showing some impressive spin talent of its own, with a rationalization for pollution that is, quite literally, breathtaking. Much of China has been suffering through choking smog in recent weeks, which has hampered daily activities and forced the closure of schools. In response, state broadcaster CCTV published a list of reasons documenting the benefits of smog. Yes, benefits.

A Time magazine translator indicated the following CCTV rationalizations for smog:

1. It unifies the Chinese people. 
2. It makes China more equal. 
3. It raises citizen awareness of the cost of China’s economic development. 
4. It makes people funnier. 
5. It makes people more knowledgeable (of things like meteorology and the English word haze).

Government Mailtime! Perhaps one of the greatest examples of “If you can’t beat em, join em.” Chinese media is just like “Listen folks, this life threatening smog polluting your lungs ain’t goin anywhere, so you better make the best of it.” And I’ll tell you what – their top 5 ain’t to bad.

1. It unifies the Chinese People – nothing unites people like tragedy. Every single day Chinese people can rally together because just breathing is a struggle. That kind of adversity gives people common ground. Fog Friendships everywhere.

2. It makes China more equal – So cocky. So fucking cocky. China’s like “Listen, there’s over a billion of us. We manufacture all of the important products people use all over the world. Its almost not even fair. The rest of the world can’t compete with that. So its only right we even the playing field. This death cloud of smog makes us more relatable to the rest of the countries of the world that aren’t a billion person powerhouse. Its the same reason why Indian people shit in the streets. To even the playing field with the rest of the world.

3. It raises awareness of the cost of China’s economic development – Hey no such thing as bad publicity, right! As long as your name is coming out of their mouth, its a good thing. Even if they’re talking about life crippling haze and the enormous cost of sustaining our economic growth, they’re still talking bout China!

4. It makes people funnier – If you say so, China!

5. It makes people more knowledgable – Not sure if Google is allowed in China yet or not, but you know everyone is doing internet searches on “Chinese Death Fog.” When scientists told us that we were gonna be overrun with cicadas, everyone knew everything about cicadas, right? We all got a little smarter that day. Learned about how cicadas come out every 17 years and shit like that. Well thats China right now. Everyone is a fog expert. So ipso facto fog = smarter people = better China. Transitive property.